photo by court-prather at

I learned an important lesson about relationship challenges and the ancestral wound, and it all started with soup.

I was sitting at the dinner table when a waiter put a few cucumbers, tomatoes, and onions in the bottom of my bowl. He then poured a ruby red gazpacho over it.

As he poured my friend’s soup I noticed he gave her a liberal amount, yet there was barely enough liquid in my bowl to cover the cucumbers.

Both annoyed and amused, I looked at my friend, pointed to my soup, and whispered, “Look how little I got!”

To which she replied, “You can ask for more.”


Assumptions and the Ancestral Wound

As children, we are taught—directly or indirectly—to behave a certain way in order to be approved of by our parents and society. We subconsciously assume these are the best ways to be (because we feel other’s approval when we acquiesce).

We integrate these ways of being, thinking, acting, and feeling into our identity, but this is not our true self. It’s who we’re taught to be, and in many situations, it never occurs us that we could do or be something else.

For instance, if a child is naturally rambunctious and is repeatedly told to “sit still”, she might sit still to please her parents. She might also feel like a failure when she can’t sit still. Although teaching a child appropriate behavior is important, the message “sit still” weaves its way into a child’s subconscious and causes her to “sit still” even when movement would be the best option. The child grows up to be an adult who believes her natural desire to move is bad. It becomes a subconscious belief that runs her life and limits her ability to express her truest nature. “Bad things happen when I’m myself.” She thinks. So she’s not herself.

These assumptions can wreak havoc on our soul as well as relationships with other people, places, and things.

Relationships and the Ancestral Wound

Who you are “being” affects your experience. If you ask for more soup and get it, you feel nourished and supported. But if your subconscious believes you need to accept what you get, which means not asking for help or more soup, your life will reflect that. You’ll be perpetually hungry, literally and/or figuratively, because you don’t ask for what you need.

I didn’t initially ask the waiter for more soup because I had developed an ancestral wound that told me 1) to accept what I received and not complain, and 2) if you ask for help you don’t get it, so why bother asking for it?

An ancestral wound doesn’t have to come from your blood lineage. It can also come from any belief or behavior you inherited or internalized from your gender lineage, religious lineage, socio-economic lineage, cultural lineage, educational experience, etc.

Regardless of where it comes from, an ancestral wound, left unhealed, can wreak havoc on your soul and your ability to live the full expression of your purpose and potential.

Recognizing the Cycle

Long before the soup incident, I realized I was “being” passive aggressive in many areas of my life, especially in relationship with my partner, and this behavior was fully responsible for a lingering anger that ate me up inside.

I never asked for help.


But I often wanted or needed it.

As a child, I experienced many situations that left me feeling vulnerable and alone. Because I was too young to process what I was feeling, I internalized everything to protect myself. I was naturally self-sufficient and independent, but I used those “gifts” to such an extreme that I rarely, if ever, let on that I was in emotional pain. It never occurred to me to ask for help. Instead, I became verbally angry, or numbed out, or went out of body (which can contribute to soul loss).

The older I got, the more I experienced events that let me “practice” this protective mechanism of not asking for help. I began to think of people who did ask for help as wimps.

It’s hard to be in functioning relationships if you can’t ask for help or if you think the other person is a wimp for asking. Whether a business relationship, a romantic relationship, or a relationship with your family and friends, an ancestral wound like this can lead you to not ask for more soup, figuratively speaking. Then you end up starving for more nourishment and support.

Of course, one incident of not asking for more soup may seem inconsequential. But living a lifetime of these situations diminishes your ability to live from your highest potential.

Breaking the Cycle

Breaking the cycle means being able to identify your subconscious motives and heal any soul loss or ancestral wound that caused the subconscious behavior. But this is usually a challenging process. We are often blind to our subconscious motives even though we act from them on a daily basis. Sometimes it takes a dramatic situation to draw our attention to what’s amiss.

For me, it was cancer followed by a lot of soul healing.

That’s why this work is so important to me. I help women stand in the wholeness of their personal power now and not have to experience a major crisis in order to learn the lesson.

If you want or need help healing soul loss and ancestral wounds, please reach out to me. Simply click here and we can schedule a time to talk.

Sweet Dreams,