Selfie March 18, 2018, Slowly Fading Away

It’s March 15, 2018, and I’m dizzy and throwing up everything I eat.

The doctor says I have Vertigo. He tells me to go home and sleep it off. So I do. Except nothing changes.

Every time I move, I projectile vomit the entire contents of my stomach.

A week goes by. Fat and muscle start to disappear. I live in a perpetual hypnagogic dream state. I have flashbacks to earlier parts of my life, like a life review. It’s a constant movie in my head. I can’t turn it off.

Without nourishment, I grow weaker and weaker every day. The pounds shed like leaves on a gusty autumn day. 10 pounds, 20 pounds, 30 pounds. I feel myself slipping away. I have a thin grasp on life.

But after 25 days of being bedridden, something new happens.

I see “the light.”

It’s a brilliant white light. It illuminates my being, pierces my soul and fills me with Divine Love. I writhe in ecstasy as a sense of joy washes through me. Then slowly, the light begins to recede.

When it’s over, I open my eyes and notice my room is dark. I’m facing the wall and there is no light source there. I smile and continue to revel in the energy of the Divine.

To the Hospital I go

A few days after seeing the light, my friend urged me to go to the hospital again. Third times a charm. This time I receive a different diagnosis. Not Vertigo. Breast cancer. Metastasized. Throughout my entire body. The cause of the vomiting? A tumor pressing up against a nerve that supports my balance.

Hearing my diagnosis doesn’t frighten me. After seeing the light, I feel a distinct inner peace, as though angels are holding me in a loving embrace. I could live or die. I am equally open to both, with one exception: I’m not ready to say goodbye to my family, friends, and the love of my life, Scott. The very thought pours deep sadness into my heart.

Finally, after 12-days in the hospital, I return home to continue my healing journey.

Dying to Be Me

Months later, when I shared my story with a friend and told her that I saw the light during a near near death experience (I didn’t actually die but felt near death). My friend said, “Have you read, Dying to Be Me by Anita Moorjani? If not, I highly recommend it!”

I immediately bought the book and read it.


In case you’re not familiar with her story, Anita shares in detail about her soul’s healing journey through cancer and a near death experience. Yet the book is about so much more than that.

Not only does she talk about her near-death experience, she also addresses how growing up speaking three languages and living in various countries made healing from cancer difficult. Each culture had unique approaches to healing. Sometimes contradictory.

She followed several healing paths. Then one day, she died. And came back.

In her book, Anita goes into great detail about her experience after dying and shares potent messages from beyond the veil.

I highly recommend reading this gem of an autobiography. It’s informative, inspiring, and relevant for anyone who wants to follow their soul’s greatest purpose, whether or not you’ve ever been near death.

My Healing Journey–Inspired by Anita

After reading Anita’s story, I felt newly encouraged. I knew I could heal my body. The medicine I took helped, as did my attitude and self-healing. Today there is no sign of cancer in my body. Healing is an ongoing journey and I’ll likely be taking medicine—both allopathic and holistic herbal remedies—for the rest of my life.

And that’s ok. Because as long as I’m on earth, I’m going to make the best out of every single day. I’m going to love my family, my friends, and my rock, Scott. I’m creating art on a regular basis. I’m doing deep soul work with myself as well as with my incredible clients.

Honestly, nearly dying, seeing the light, not being able to walk for seven months (yes 7) without assistance, and then recovering has changed me on a deep, soul level. I feel better than I’ve ever felt in my entire life.

And although I haven’t written a book about it (yet), I encourage you to read Anita’s book. It’s inspiring on so many levels, and truly, I believe you will be deeply moved by her story.

Selfie April 2019, Healthy and Alive