I’m driving and my gas tank is on empty.

I have two options:

1) I can get gas now, and risk being late for my destination, or

2) I can go to my meeting and get gas later, but I risk running out of gas and getting stranded.

I decide to get gas and risk being late.

When I woke, I realized my dream was telling me to refuel – now.

As self-employed people it’s up to us to determine when and how to “refuel” or care for our personal needs.

This can be challenging, though. When there is work to be done, we have to do it. When there is a deadline, we may need to work long hours to ensure everything gets done on time.

There is no mandatory 15-minute break every 4 hours, or a required 30-minute lunch break. There is no paid “vacation” time or “sick” pay, either.

On top of this, many services providers are naturally inclined to help others before they help themselves. I even have clients and colleagues who have a hard time declining coffee dates with friends because they feel guilty putting their personal needs first.

There are typically three scenarios in which we forget to care for our own needs:

1) When there is a deadline and a lot of work to be done

2) When there is perceived external “pressure” to participate in an activity or accept an invitation

3) When others need our help

But ignoring the need to refuel is a dangerous game. So how do we do care for our needs consistently?

Here are some useful steps to consider when creating a self-care practice:

Know What Helps You Recharge

I suggest making three lists of activities that help you recharge. (“activities” can include resting.)

List One: Bare Essentials

The first is a “bare minimums” list with little things you can do throughout the day to help you maintain peace of mind, especially when you are so busy you barely have time to breathe.

This list might include:

1) Getting enough sleep

2) Drinking water

3) Eating well

4) Listening to calming music

5) Burning a candle to create sacred space

6) Having flowers on your desk

7) Feeling connected to a higher purpose

Praying for guidance

9) Singing while working

10) Setting an intention for all projects and interactions go smoothly

List Two: Time for Yourself

The second list consists of activities that require more time, but not a major commitment. Sometimes 5 minutes here or there is enough. This could be

1) Reading an engrossing novel

2) Sitting in a hot tub

3) Daily walks and/or exercise

4) Journaling

5) Gardening

6) Meditating

7) Watching a movie

Being alone and resting

9) Laughing with friends

10) Going out to dinner

11) Creating art

List Three: Time Away

The third list contains activities that require planning or a bigger commitment, like going on vacation. You might only do this once a year, but it can have a lasting impact on your wellbeing.

1) Weekend getaway to a spa

2) Camping in the mountains

3) Swimming in the ocean or a local pool

4) Hiking in the woods

5) Visiting family and friends

6) Exploring new places

Integrating these 3 levels of practices into your life can help you maintain wellbeing. You won’t always be able to take off for the weekend, but you need to find time to do little things like sip tea or drink a glass of water. Even though they seem inconsequential, these little things can add up to a healthier, happier you.

If you already know how to recharge your mind-body-soul, but have a hard time making the time to do it, tune in next week when I share some of my secret techniques for setting boundaries with clients and my self.

While those methods can be useful, they don’t always help us move beyond what we already know. Next time you want to plumb the depth of an issue, or find information from a new angle, you might try this easy to use approach to problem solving. It’s called dream incubation.

Dream incubation is the practice of setting an intention to receive life guidance from a sleeping dream. The practice works so well that you can ask a question about your health or life circumstances and often receive valuable and practical information overnight.

I’m not sure when the practice started, but people have been incubating dreams for at least 2500 years. In ancient Greece, for instance, a person in need of healing advice would visit an Asclepieion, or healing temple, and ask for healing guidance from their dreams. The visitor would sleep on the temple floor and upon waking would report their dreams to a priest who would interpret the dream and prescribe treatment based on the interpretation.

I don’t know if there are any active Asclepieion temples anymore, but you don’t need one to incubate a dream. If you ever need insight about a life problem, I suggest trying the following:

1. Think about your problem, challenge or situation.

2. Decide what you want to know about the scenario. Formulate a statement around what you want to know and make sure it cannot be answered with yes or no. For instance, “My intention is to dream about what is causing me to feel tired and sluggish.” Or, “Tonight I want to dream about how to best share my work with the world.”

3. Write your statement on a sheet of paper and put it on a nightstand next to your bed or under your pillow.

4. Hold the intention in your mind as you fall asleep.

5. When you wake up, either in the middle of the night or in the morning, record all dream images and contemplate how the dream might be an answer to your question or intention.

Sometimes the answers come quickly. For instance, Sara, a dreamer in the new DreamTribe community, had never incubated a dream in her entire life and she was excited to try it out. So, before going to bed she asked her dreams to tell her, “What is making me crabby and mildly depressed (low energy).” She dreamed that she accidentally bought moldy bread.

Not having any idea what that might mean, she decided to post her dream on the DreamTribe’s forum. She did not mention that she’d intended to incubate a dream about what was making her feel low energy.

When I read the dream I saw the bread as a metaphor for how the dreamer was nurturing herself. Since the bread was moldy, I felt that the dreamer may need to find a new way to practice self-care. Another dreamworker felt similarly and we discussed how Sara might make changes to her self-care practice.

But then dreamworker Atava Garcia Swiecicki popped onto the dream forum. She is a health care practitioner who uses dreams to help understand illness, and she saw a literal health message in Sara’s dream.

Atava mentioned that people who are allergic to bread due to the gluten or a naturally occurring mold in the bread can feel tired and lethargic. Eliminating or cutting back on bread can help the person feel more energy.

Sara resonated with both “interpretations.” In one night, she had two valuable pieces of information that helped explained why she was feeling crabby and mildly depressed, and practical advice on how to make changes that could help her feel more balanced and healthy.

Dream incubation is valuable, insightful, and highly personal. When you look to your own dreams for guidance, and then process them on your own or get help from experienced dreamworkers, you can start to make decisions that are based on your deepest needs and your internal healing system.

Next time you have a challenge or dilemma, and you want clarity about how to move forward, look to your dreams for their valuable wisdom and advice. If you get a response, but you don’t understand what your dreams are trying to tell you, ask a dreamworker to help you explore the possible meaning. And remember, dreams can be literal and symbolic at the same time, so be sure to reflect on the possible meaning from both perspectives.

P.S. If you want help exploring the information you get in your dreams, click here.

Here are 5 ways to open a session so you can connect and fully arrive  to the present moment:

1. Say a prayer of intention; first ask your client if they have a prayer request.

2. Use a Tibetan singing bowl. The sound is lovely and you can sit in silence for as long as the bowl sings. (Or longer.)

3. Sit in silence as you light a candle and invoke the presence of the Divine.  Watch the flame or close your eyes and let the client speak when they are ready.

4. Use a CD player to play a few minutes of flute music or something melodic.

5. Have art supplies present and have your client draw a picture of how they are feeling in the moment or of a situation they would like to explore. Use it as reference throughout your session.

Closing a session is important too. Here are 5 ways to close a session:

1. Say a prayer of gratitude and include in the prayer words your client mentioned in your meeting.

2. If you open the session by ringing a Tibetan singing bowl, close the same way.

3. If you light a candle, gently blow it out and offer a prayer of thanks.

4. Sit in silence for a few minutes.

5. Have your client draw a quick picture that represents the direction he or she would like to move between this session and the next.

How do you open your counseling sessions? Share your ideas below. We’d all love to hear.

An uninterpreted dream is like an unopened letter.

-  The Talmud

Incorporating dream work into spiritual direction, coaching or counseling is a natural way to help your clients gain access to the Divine and salient messages that dwell within and without. But if you’re not familiar with dreams and dream work methods, dream exploration can feel like strange terrain.

If you want to incorporate dream work into your private practice, get started with the following techniques:

1. Have your client share her dream with you by describing it in the present tense and giving as much detail as possible. Have her tell it to you as though she is sharing a story, not like she’s giving a description of something that happened in the past. This keeps the dream alive, helping you and your client connect with the feeling of the scenario.

2. Have your client give the dream a title, something that captures the essence of the dream. It can be as long as a few sentences, like a caption in a newspaper article.
After your client has finished sharing her dream, ask clarifying questions.

3. Realize that you and the dreamer now have a unique experience of the dream. Perhaps state this out loud.

4. Ask the dreamer how she felt when she woke up and how she feels now in the retelling of the dream.

5. If you have ideas about what the subjects and objects of the dream mean use the “If it were my dream” language made popular by dream worker Jeremy Taylor. In essence, reference all dream related thoughts in the first person and say, “If it were my dream, X means this…” or “I really feel uncomfortable in this situation (referring to the dream). If it were my dream, I’d want to get out of that room.” This type of language lets the dreamer decide what is true for her. Never impose your thoughts onto a dreamer by telling them outright what their dream means.

6. If you are not comfortable with symbolism, simply explore the feelings the dreamer has as she reflects on her dream scenes. Ask if she’s felt these feelings in waking life. If she has, have her explain the waking life situation to you. Or, perhaps you can sit in silence as she goes within and reconnects with the feelings. Ask her where in her body she feels the feelings. Continue to ask questions about her responses. Allow space for silence so the two of you can observe the dreamer’s responses.

7. Using crayons, have the dreamer create a simple drawing of the emotions she feels relative to the dream, or have her create a literal representation of a dream scene. The two of you can refer to the drawing as you contemplate the dream scenario.