Throughout this process my clients are often faced with a choice of whether or not to turn a past struggle into a lifework focus, like Susan Komen’s sister turned Susan’s struggle with breast cancer into “The Race for the Cure.” This race raises money for research and helps millions of people through the challenges of facing breast cancer.

Some of my clients opt not to take this path, preferring instead to leave their struggles behind and venture off into new territory.

Many find the idea intriguing, though. They recognize the value in helping people through a similar journey to one they’ve already made. They can see themselves as a guide, a helping hand, with some wisdom and a lot of invaluable experience, all of which may help people navigate the rough terrain of their similar journey.

For these people the idea of turning a past struggle into a lifework focus seems exciting, at least initially. It’s as though one of their life purposes has been illuminated, helping make sense of their fears and frustrations. They feel invigorated by possibility.

But almost immediately fear arises. The first question to appear is usually “Who am I to do this work? I’m not an expert.”

The second is often “I’m not ready. I need one more certificate so people take me seriously.”

This type of fear is common. It often means the person is headed in the right direction. It’s also a sign that they are facing a growing edge.

As an aside, a feeling of indifference is perhaps a sign that a person is not moving in the right direction.

Fortunately, with courage and commitment, turning past struggles into meaningful lifework can be a rewarding process.

To help illustrate my point, here are some examples of what a few of my clients are developing right now:

• One woman has successfully overcome cancer, chronic pain and several addictions, and uses bodywork, movement and spiritual guidance to help women with similar problems find deep healing on many levels.

• A spiritual guide and mother is raising a child with Aspergers and part of her work involves helping other families find their way through the challenges and opportunities that come with learning differences. Her work is unique because she is both a teacher and a spiritual guide. She can address both aspects of the challenges people face and help them engage their situation holistically.

• Another woman discovered a significant lack of support when she was grieving the loss of a loved animal companion. As a result, she has opened her heart and spiritual guidance practice to people who are struggling with the loss of a dearly loved pet. She also helps people resolve animal related behavior problems and challenges. No longer do people have to suffer in silence over the loss of their loved animal friends.

This is just a small example of the incredible work being developed by my clients. I am so proud of these women and the many others in my programs who are taking small and huge steps in turning their struggles into lifework that has depth and value. I can hardly wait to introduce them to you after their websites are done and ready for public viewing!

But that is a topic for another ezine.

In the meantime, I have included a few questions you can explore for your own work

If you are just starting out

If you are currently in the process of trying to define a lifework path, think about any adversities you’ve overcome.

Do other people struggle with the same or a similar challenge?

Is there a way to use your experience to help other people?

How can you combine that experience with your gifts, skills and other interests to create meaningful lifework?

If you are a veteran in your field

If you have been in business for awhile and need new direction with your lifework or want to add a product or service that helps more people, think about difficulties you or your clients have overcome.

Have you noticed any common themes emerging?

How you might create a service or course that addresses that issue?

People don’t have to struggle alone

There are a lot of people out there who feel like they are alone. They may be experiencing the same or a similar challenge to one you experienced, and they could really use a mentor or guide or teacher or healer to help them through the process.

As the night progressed, a particular theme surfaced and it’s the same theme that’s appeared in conversations I’ve had with women and men for several years, especially since I started offering my 12-month marketing program.

The common theme has to do with fear of growing lifework:

• fear of judgment
• fear of being seen
• fear of not being of value to people
• fear of failure
• fear that people will find out they’re a fake
• fear of making the wrong decision
• fear of the internet
• fear of too much work
• fear of fill-in-the-blank

and this fear prevents these amazing people from sharing their gifts in a bigger, bolder and more beautiful way. It makes part of them want to stay small or even invisible.

Actually, this fear-theme is so prevalent in my conversations with people that I’ve decided to shift the direction of Grow Your Lifework, just a little bit, to help people transform their fear into something that will help them grow their lifework. As a result, I’m even redesigning my website. I’ll let you know how it progresses.

But for now, and in response to the conversations I’ve had over the years, I decided to spill my guts in this essay and share a bit about my personal struggle. I share this story because a lot of people think they’re the only one struggling, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Everybody struggles.

So here’s to the struggle and its power to help us grow somewhere great.

Making Music with Your Lifework

Yesterday, I went to a birthday party with my partner Scott (yes, I went to two birthday parties!). When we got there 3 men were playing music: stand up bass, electric guitar and drums.

Scott jumped in right away with his remarkable Jerry Lee Lewis style piano playing, and there I sat with my little djembe drum, feeling completely ridiculous and out of place. (Turned out to be a small birthday party, just the 4 guys and me.)

“Sing with us!” They all said, to which I replied, “I don’t know the lyrics to any songs. I only know the choruses. So I’ll pass.”

As an aside, I am a singer. I’ve performed on stage in front of hundreds of people, but I always rehearse for these performances. Winging it has never been one of my strong suits.

“Then drum with us!” They said, to which I replied, “You’re professional musicians. I can’t play djembe with you guys.”

“Professional?” questioned Joe, the drummer. “I don’t know about that. I just make this stuff up. When I play drums the experts know I’m totally faking it.”

My partner Scott often says the same thing about his piano playing.

But Joe and Scott are truly remarkable musicians. The majority of people on this planet would never see these guys as anything less than talented.

I thought, “If they can fake it and sound amazing, maybe I can fake it and sound amazing too.”

With a bit of courage creeping in, I decided to sing.

Sure enough, after I sang the first stanza I couldn’t remember the rest of the lyrics. I got all flustered, my timing faltered and everything went downhill from there.

I gave up and sat down in the middle of the song, feeling more embarrassed and frustrated than ever.

I love singing and I truly wanted to sing with them, but I resigned myself to drumming which was something I could do more comfortably knowing they’d never be able to hear me over their loud, amplified music.

As the day progressed the guys invited me to sing again and I said, “You know, I’d rather remain invisible, so I’m going to drum over here and you can stop asking me to sing.”

But secretly, I desperately longed to sing, I just couldn’t bear the thought of making a fool out of myself again!

After awhile the birthday boy sang a song. He forgot the lyrics. Instead of getting embarrassed and removing himself from the circle he just continued playing guitar. He didn’t give up. He didn’t sulk. He playing until he remembered the words.

Growing lifework is like this: we have many options when it comes to putting our voices or wisdom out there in the world.

1. We can acknowledge our desires, yet never commit to manifesting them, choosing instead to remain small. This choice usually results in a lifelong struggle with the deflated feeling that comes from giving up.

2. Or, we can follow our passions, which inevitably lead to some sort of struggle, then give up, and resign ourselves to remaining invisible.

3. Or, we can give it a try, struggle and keep going.

Don’t lose your grip on the dreams of the past

You must fight just to keep them alive

(song: Eye of the Tiger by Survivor)

The common step here is “struggle.” It’s a given. I doubt there’s any way around it no matter what path we choose.

And that’s exactly what it’s been like for me and others I know when it comes to growing our lifework: it’s a constant struggle, with some successes and some not-so-successes, and a willingness to keep moving in the midst of deep frustrations and embarrassment, regardless of what other people think.

My own work has been a music-like jam session. There have been times when I’ve been present enough to get in the groove and feel right on track. I’ve been the professional and the faker-musician when no one but me has known the difference.

And there have been other times when I’ve hit the wrong note and felt like a complete failure in my work. Sometimes I take a break to sulk, other times I stick in there with fierce determination.

I’ve done it all – tried, failed, given up, lost hope, and had periods of joyful rebirth during which I felt hugely successful based on my own definitions of success.

And this struggle happens concurrently under the surface parts that you see. You see the ezine, I see the struggle it took to get it in place.

I’m not sharing this with you so you can see how great I am at sticking with the process even when I want to give up.

I’m sharing this with you because every single person who shares their story with me thinks they are the only one who struggles.

They even think that people who succeed have somehow acquired super human powers that result in an ability to no longer struggle.

Of course, we don’t all struggle the same way, but we all struggle.

Fear is what we feel when we don’t trust our ability to make it through the struggle.

So the question really becomes, not just “what am I afraid of?” but,

1 “What do I need to make it through the struggle?” and

2 “Who can help me through to the other side?”

For some of us, simply knowing that other people are also struggling is enough to help us persevere and get through to the other side.

For others, though, it is useful to have help and encouragement from those who have gone before us. They can help give us direction, show us the ropes, and lend a hand when we begin to falter so we can more easily pick ourselves up and resume course.

I Get By with a Little Help from My Friends

(song: by the Beatles)

Last night, as the musical evening drew to a close, Scott encouraged me to sing the same song I tried to sing earlier. I asked the guys to sing with me, and they agreed to shout out the lyrics before we got to the verses.

So I did it. Feeling completely ridiculous, I picked up the mic and not surprisingly, forgot the first line of the song.

The music kept playing and I kept standing at the mic, determined not to give up this time. The birthday boy looked at me and mouthed the lyrics I couldn’t remember.

I waited for the music to roll around to the right part and when I was ready, I jumped in.

Finally, I could sing, trusting the process a little more because I had 4 great musicians who were at least partly faking their way through the same song (or so they claimed).

When I faltered, they sang to help me through.

Growing lifework is about being in the struggle.

It’s not about figuring out how to move forward first in order to avoid the struggle.

It’s not about facing your fears first, then doing the lifework later.

Nor is it about figuring out exactly what you want to do now and then doing it when you’re ready.

It all happens simultaneously.

The thing to remember is that everyone else is struggling too, and that it’s much easier to be in the struggle when you have the loving support of people who went before you and successfully found their way through to the other side.

The questions for the day:

Who can support you on your journey, both emotionally and practically?

What can you do to put a support system in place to help you grow forward?

Below is a list of ideas that might help you incorporate free time into your schedule so you can actually do the things on your list. I am particularly fond of the first two ideas. They work well for me, and help me stay balanced, especially when I’m busy working on a big project.

Be sure to leave a comment, sharing with us how you make time for yourself.

Have Designated Time for Your Work

If you already know how to recharge your mind-body-soul, but have a hard time making the time to do it, tune in next week when I share some of my secret techniques for setting boundaries with clients and my self.

When you are self-employed there is no 9-5 schedule. You might work 9 to midnight. Or not at all.

Unfortunately, your clients do not have the same expectations you have about your “off” hours. In fact, they may not even think you have “off hours.” (I’ve had clients call me on my home phone after 8:00 pm on Sunday to take care of business that could easily have waited until Monday.)

For this reason, I no longer use my cell or home phone number for business. I use a Google Voice number to help me set normal office hours. The phone system can be programmed to do all sorts of useful things. If you want all calls to go into voice mail after 6:00 pm or on weekends, you can do so. If you want client calls to go directly into voice mail, but your family and friends’ calls to ring through, you can do this too.

Additionally, it will transcribe all voice mails and email them to you so you don’t have to check voice mail. The transcriptions are usually awful, but at least you can get general idea of their contents.

Set Office Hours and Make them Obvious

I have designated hours when I meet with clients, and I don’t start my first meeting until 11:00 am. When necessary, I can be flexible, but I prefer to get settled into my day before I talk with anyone. I find I can be more present with my clients if I have time every morning to care for myself.

You may have similar needs. Perhaps you prefer to work with clients in the morning and by yourself in the afternoon. Or work Tuesday – Thursday with clients, and the rest of the week by yourself. Experiment until you find what works best for you and stick to it.

Schedule Time for Yourself During the Work Week

A minister friend of mine keeps a paper calendar that is often visible to other people. When a parishioner asks to make an appointment they can see every meeting the minister has scheduled.

If the minister has a lot of empty space in his calendar the parishioner is likely to assume the minister is available. People don’t naturally understand his need to have time to himself, so instead of trying to explain to the parishioners that the “left over” time slots are for paperwork and personal time, the minister fills in the “empty” spots with “appointments.” For his personal time he uses a made up name like Joe. When a parishioner sees the calendar it looks full, but much of what is scheduled is quiet time for the minister to get his work done. This system has helped him create boundaries and a healthy ministry.

Have a Teddy Bear Named “Someone”

Service providers don’t like to lie, and as I mentioned above, people don’t always understand your need for alone time. I once read about a church that had a teddy bear named “Someone.” The teddy bear sat on a chair in the minister’s office. If the minister needed time to herself, and a parishioner called to speak with her, the receptionist could honestly say, “I’m sorry. Rev. Johnson is meeting with Someone. Can I take a message?”

Designate One Day as Your Personal Sabbath

Pick one day of the week and keep it sacred. Do whatever you find meaningful, but don’t work.

In last week’s ezine I talked about making three lists of activities that help you feel renewed. On the Sabbath day of your choice, I suggest doing something from the first or second list. For instance, yesterday I read most of the day. Today I feel completely invigorated and ready for a full week of work.

Their greatest challenge wasn’t knowing how to market, it was knowing what to market and to whom.

They aren’t alone. Many of my clients get stuck in precisely this place. Naming and defining a niche can be challenging. (A niche is a unique, specialized service.)

When I work with people I suggest they create a niche by finding that sweet spot where their interests overlap with their community’s needs.

Sounds easy enough, but for multi-talented people it can be hugely challenging. Often they have many unrelated talents which makes it difficult for them to focus their ideas into one lifework path that works.

Additionally, they are interested in working with different demographics, like “women” or “people in transition” but aren’t sure which group to choose.

As we discussed this dilemma, one of the students had a brilliant idea. She suggested we go around the room and focus on one student at a time, sharing with her the type of people we would refer to her.

In other words, if people were helping me focus my work, they might say, “Amy, to you I would refer people who like dreamwork, people who want to use creativity to feel more connected to the Divine, and people who are stuggling with finding lifework they love.”

This exercise proved to be worthwhile and enlightening to all involved. Since it is often difficult for us to see our own strengths and unique qualities, it can be useful to have other people illuminate our potential for us.

If you are struggling with what to market and to whom, I suggest you gather a group of people who know you and ask them the following question:

“What type of people would you refer to me?”

Have them focus on a variety of areas such as

1. Demographics

i.e women, men, elders, youth

2. Potential problems

i.e people in transition who feel uncertain about their future, people with chronic illness

3. Qualities and characteristics

i.e. quiet and reflective people, people who love to dance, intellectual people

4. What the people might be hoping to accomplish

i.e. a new spiritual practice, more self-esteem, balance

Defining a niche

After you’ve collected the information from a group of people, see if there are any patterns in what has been shared with you. If several people offered similar information, and you resonate with what they said, this may be a clue about who you can help most effectively.

When it comes time to defining (or redefining) your niche, open your imagination so you connect with what brings you great joy. Play around with ideas until something feels like a good fit. Then experiment. Sometimes the only way you’ll know if you have the “right” niche is to work with it for awhile and see what happens.

Until next time, here’s to growing somewhere great!

While those methods can be useful, they don’t always help us move beyond what we already know. Next time you want to plumb the depth of an issue, or find information from a new angle, you might try this easy to use approach to problem solving. It’s called dream incubation.

Dream incubation is the practice of setting an intention to receive life guidance from a sleeping dream. The practice works so well that you can ask a question about your health or life circumstances and often receive valuable and practical information overnight.

I’m not sure when the practice started, but people have been incubating dreams for at least 2500 years. In ancient Greece, for instance, a person in need of healing advice would visit an Asclepieion, or healing temple, and ask for healing guidance from their dreams. The visitor would sleep on the temple floor and upon waking would report their dreams to a priest who would interpret the dream and prescribe treatment based on the interpretation.

I don’t know if there are any active Asclepieion temples anymore, but you don’t need one to incubate a dream. If you ever need insight about a life problem, I suggest trying the following:

1. Think about your problem, challenge or situation.

2. Decide what you want to know about the scenario. Formulate a statement around what you want to know and make sure it cannot be answered with yes or no. For instance, “My intention is to dream about what is causing me to feel tired and sluggish.” Or, “Tonight I want to dream about how to best share my work with the world.”

3. Write your statement on a sheet of paper and put it on a nightstand next to your bed or under your pillow.

4. Hold the intention in your mind as you fall asleep.

5. When you wake up, either in the middle of the night or in the morning, record all dream images and contemplate how the dream might be an answer to your question or intention.

Sometimes the answers come quickly. For instance, Sara, a dreamer in the new DreamTribe community, had never incubated a dream in her entire life and she was excited to try it out. So, before going to bed she asked her dreams to tell her, “What is making me crabby and mildly depressed (low energy).” She dreamed that she accidentally bought moldy bread.

Not having any idea what that might mean, she decided to post her dream on the DreamTribe’s forum. She did not mention that she’d intended to incubate a dream about what was making her feel low energy.

When I read the dream I saw the bread as a metaphor for how the dreamer was nurturing herself. Since the bread was moldy, I felt that the dreamer may need to find a new way to practice self-care. Another dreamworker felt similarly and we discussed how Sara might make changes to her self-care practice.

But then dreamworker Atava Garcia Swiecicki popped onto the dream forum. She is a health care practitioner who uses dreams to help understand illness, and she saw a literal health message in Sara’s dream.

Atava mentioned that people who are allergic to bread due to the gluten or a naturally occurring mold in the bread can feel tired and lethargic. Eliminating or cutting back on bread can help the person feel more energy.

Sara resonated with both “interpretations.” In one night, she had two valuable pieces of information that helped explained why she was feeling crabby and mildly depressed, and practical advice on how to make changes that could help her feel more balanced and healthy.

Dream incubation is valuable, insightful, and highly personal. When you look to your own dreams for guidance, and then process them on your own or get help from experienced dreamworkers, you can start to make decisions that are based on your deepest needs and your internal healing system.

Next time you have a challenge or dilemma, and you want clarity about how to move forward, look to your dreams for their valuable wisdom and advice. If you get a response, but you don’t understand what your dreams are trying to tell you, ask a dreamworker to help you explore the possible meaning. And remember, dreams can be literal and symbolic at the same time, so be sure to reflect on the possible meaning from both perspectives.

P.S. If you want help exploring the information you get in your dreams, click here.