I’m driving and my gas tank is on empty.

I have two options:

1) I can get gas now, and risk being late for my destination, or

2) I can go to my meeting and get gas later, but I risk running out of gas and getting stranded.

I decide to get gas and risk being late.

When I woke, I realized my dream was telling me to refuel – now.

As self-employed people it’s up to us to determine when and how to “refuel” or care for our personal needs.

This can be challenging, though. When there is work to be done, we have to do it. When there is a deadline, we may need to work long hours to ensure everything gets done on time.

There is no mandatory 15-minute break every 4 hours, or a required 30-minute lunch break. There is no paid “vacation” time or “sick” pay, either.

On top of this, many services providers are naturally inclined to help others before they help themselves. I even have clients and colleagues who have a hard time declining coffee dates with friends because they feel guilty putting their personal needs first.

There are typically three scenarios in which we forget to care for our own needs:

1) When there is a deadline and a lot of work to be done

2) When there is perceived external “pressure” to participate in an activity or accept an invitation

3) When others need our help

But ignoring the need to refuel is a dangerous game. So how do we do care for our needs consistently?

Here are some useful steps to consider when creating a self-care practice:

Know What Helps You Recharge

I suggest making three lists of activities that help you recharge. (“activities” can include resting.)

List One: Bare Essentials

The first is a “bare minimums” list with little things you can do throughout the day to help you maintain peace of mind, especially when you are so busy you barely have time to breathe.

This list might include:

1) Getting enough sleep

2) Drinking water

3) Eating well

4) Listening to calming music

5) Burning a candle to create sacred space

6) Having flowers on your desk

7) Feeling connected to a higher purpose

Praying for guidance

9) Singing while working

10) Setting an intention for all projects and interactions go smoothly

List Two: Time for Yourself

The second list consists of activities that require more time, but not a major commitment. Sometimes 5 minutes here or there is enough. This could be

1) Reading an engrossing novel

2) Sitting in a hot tub

3) Daily walks and/or exercise

4) Journaling

5) Gardening

6) Meditating

7) Watching a movie

Being alone and resting

9) Laughing with friends

10) Going out to dinner

11) Creating art

List Three: Time Away

The third list contains activities that require planning or a bigger commitment, like going on vacation. You might only do this once a year, but it can have a lasting impact on your wellbeing.

1) Weekend getaway to a spa

2) Camping in the mountains

3) Swimming in the ocean or a local pool

4) Hiking in the woods

5) Visiting family and friends

6) Exploring new places

Integrating these 3 levels of practices into your life can help you maintain wellbeing. You won’t always be able to take off for the weekend, but you need to find time to do little things like sip tea or drink a glass of water. Even though they seem inconsequential, these little things can add up to a healthier, happier you.

If you already know how to recharge your mind-body-soul, but have a hard time making the time to do it, tune in next week when I share some of my secret techniques for setting boundaries with clients and my self.

Their greatest challenge wasn’t knowing how to market, it was knowing what to market and to whom.

They aren’t alone. Many of my clients get stuck in precisely this place. Naming and defining a niche can be challenging. (A niche is a unique, specialized service.)

When I work with people I suggest they create a niche by finding that sweet spot where their interests overlap with their community’s needs.

Sounds easy enough, but for multi-talented people it can be hugely challenging. Often they have many unrelated talents which makes it difficult for them to focus their ideas into one lifework path that works.

Additionally, they are interested in working with different demographics, like “women” or “people in transition” but aren’t sure which group to choose.

As we discussed this dilemma, one of the students had a brilliant idea. She suggested we go around the room and focus on one student at a time, sharing with her the type of people we would refer to her.

In other words, if people were helping me focus my work, they might say, “Amy, to you I would refer people who like dreamwork, people who want to use creativity to feel more connected to the Divine, and people who are stuggling with finding lifework they love.”

This exercise proved to be worthwhile and enlightening to all involved. Since it is often difficult for us to see our own strengths and unique qualities, it can be useful to have other people illuminate our potential for us.

If you are struggling with what to market and to whom, I suggest you gather a group of people who know you and ask them the following question:

“What type of people would you refer to me?”

Have them focus on a variety of areas such as

1. Demographics

i.e women, men, elders, youth

2. Potential problems

i.e people in transition who feel uncertain about their future, people with chronic illness

3. Qualities and characteristics

i.e. quiet and reflective people, people who love to dance, intellectual people

4. What the people might be hoping to accomplish

i.e. a new spiritual practice, more self-esteem, balance

Defining a niche

After you’ve collected the information from a group of people, see if there are any patterns in what has been shared with you. If several people offered similar information, and you resonate with what they said, this may be a clue about who you can help most effectively.

When it comes time to defining (or redefining) your niche, open your imagination so you connect with what brings you great joy. Play around with ideas until something feels like a good fit. Then experiment. Sometimes the only way you’ll know if you have the “right” niche is to work with it for awhile and see what happens.

Until next time, here’s to growing somewhere great!

While those methods can be useful, they don’t always help us move beyond what we already know. Next time you want to plumb the depth of an issue, or find information from a new angle, you might try this easy to use approach to problem solving. It’s called dream incubation.

Dream incubation is the practice of setting an intention to receive life guidance from a sleeping dream. The practice works so well that you can ask a question about your health or life circumstances and often receive valuable and practical information overnight.

I’m not sure when the practice started, but people have been incubating dreams for at least 2500 years. In ancient Greece, for instance, a person in need of healing advice would visit an Asclepieion, or healing temple, and ask for healing guidance from their dreams. The visitor would sleep on the temple floor and upon waking would report their dreams to a priest who would interpret the dream and prescribe treatment based on the interpretation.

I don’t know if there are any active Asclepieion temples anymore, but you don’t need one to incubate a dream. If you ever need insight about a life problem, I suggest trying the following:

1. Think about your problem, challenge or situation.

2. Decide what you want to know about the scenario. Formulate a statement around what you want to know and make sure it cannot be answered with yes or no. For instance, “My intention is to dream about what is causing me to feel tired and sluggish.” Or, “Tonight I want to dream about how to best share my work with the world.”

3. Write your statement on a sheet of paper and put it on a nightstand next to your bed or under your pillow.

4. Hold the intention in your mind as you fall asleep.

5. When you wake up, either in the middle of the night or in the morning, record all dream images and contemplate how the dream might be an answer to your question or intention.

Sometimes the answers come quickly. For instance, Sara, a dreamer in the new DreamTribe community, had never incubated a dream in her entire life and she was excited to try it out. So, before going to bed she asked her dreams to tell her, “What is making me crabby and mildly depressed (low energy).” She dreamed that she accidentally bought moldy bread.

Not having any idea what that might mean, she decided to post her dream on the DreamTribe’s forum. She did not mention that she’d intended to incubate a dream about what was making her feel low energy.

When I read the dream I saw the bread as a metaphor for how the dreamer was nurturing herself. Since the bread was moldy, I felt that the dreamer may need to find a new way to practice self-care. Another dreamworker felt similarly and we discussed how Sara might make changes to her self-care practice.

But then dreamworker Atava Garcia Swiecicki popped onto the dream forum. She is a health care practitioner who uses dreams to help understand illness, and she saw a literal health message in Sara’s dream.

Atava mentioned that people who are allergic to bread due to the gluten or a naturally occurring mold in the bread can feel tired and lethargic. Eliminating or cutting back on bread can help the person feel more energy.

Sara resonated with both “interpretations.” In one night, she had two valuable pieces of information that helped explained why she was feeling crabby and mildly depressed, and practical advice on how to make changes that could help her feel more balanced and healthy.

Dream incubation is valuable, insightful, and highly personal. When you look to your own dreams for guidance, and then process them on your own or get help from experienced dreamworkers, you can start to make decisions that are based on your deepest needs and your internal healing system.

Next time you have a challenge or dilemma, and you want clarity about how to move forward, look to your dreams for their valuable wisdom and advice. If you get a response, but you don’t understand what your dreams are trying to tell you, ask a dreamworker to help you explore the possible meaning. And remember, dreams can be literal and symbolic at the same time, so be sure to reflect on the possible meaning from both perspectives.

P.S. If you want help exploring the information you get in your dreams, click here.

Last week I created a video to show you how I use my weekly planning guide. It was a big hit. Several of you have since asked for more videos, especially one about my idea journal. Others asked me to make more downloadable weekly planning pages. So guess what I did…both! Below is the video about how to create your own idea journal and below that is another downloadable planning page for you, one in black and white that you can color in yourself, the other already completed.

The idea journal is a simple 3-ring binder that sits on my desk. In it I keep projects I’ve started or am currently completing, including outlines of document topics I’m writing. In the video I show you exactly what I keep in my idea journal so you can start to think about what you might keep in yours. Happy creating!

Here’s this week’s planning guide. Click the colored image to download the colored page, click the black and white image to download the black and white page. (Give them a few seconds to download, they’re big files.)

Here are 5 ways to open a session so you can connect and fully arrive  to the present moment:

1. Say a prayer of intention; first ask your client if they have a prayer request.

2. Use a Tibetan singing bowl. The sound is lovely and you can sit in silence for as long as the bowl sings. (Or longer.)

3. Sit in silence as you light a candle and invoke the presence of the Divine.  Watch the flame or close your eyes and let the client speak when they are ready.

4. Use a CD player to play a few minutes of flute music or something melodic.

5. Have art supplies present and have your client draw a picture of how they are feeling in the moment or of a situation they would like to explore. Use it as reference throughout your session.

Closing a session is important too. Here are 5 ways to close a session:

1. Say a prayer of gratitude and include in the prayer words your client mentioned in your meeting.

2. If you open the session by ringing a Tibetan singing bowl, close the same way.

3. If you light a candle, gently blow it out and offer a prayer of thanks.

4. Sit in silence for a few minutes.

5. Have your client draw a quick picture that represents the direction he or she would like to move between this session and the next.

How do you open your counseling sessions? Share your ideas below. We’d all love to hear.