The other day, while preparing for Thanksgiving, I experienced a moment of deep gratitude as I reflected on all of the times in my life when things fell apart. 

Like once when I was in grad school and desperately needed a job. I interviewed for an office manager position in a small non-profit. I thought I was a shoo-in. I was wrong.

Soon after I received the “we’re so sorry…” call, I felt overcome by anxiety and I began to panic about my unpaid bills. 

But then I realized panicking wouldn’t change my situation. It would only make it worse. So I decided to let go of my fears and attachment to the job, and move on. A few days later something practically miraculous happened that made it all worth while. I’ll tell you what it was in a moment, but first I want to ask…

How did you respond to the situation?  

It’s so easy to fall apart, but I wonder: do our reactions to life’s inevitable disappointments influence what comes next? 

It seems to me that we can react in two different ways when faced with plans that have gone awry. The first is to get stuck in suffering; the second is to create something.

 

Grief, sadness, and frustration, etc are inevitable, but I’m talking about prolonged suffering. What usually happens when we’re stuck here is that we’ve attach to our original plan or expectation. We wallow in many forms of fear: misery, drama, regret, depression, anxiety, anger, and then imagine every worse case scenario known to humanity (e.g. I’ll starve. I’ll be homeless. I’ll never get another job….). 

Unfortunately, the more we allow our unmet expectations to turn into fear of any type, the harder it is to regain composure and move forward. 

The longer we reflect on how things “should” have been, or on how they’ll never be the way we’d hoped, the longer we miss out on opportunities to create something new. It’s as though our fear establishes a barrier that makes it difficult to recognize new, maybe even better, opportunities.

 

Fortunately, we have another option. When sitting in the aftermath of disappointment we can choose to trust the process and create something new. Sometimes this requires creating the courage to let go of suffering. Other times it requires creating a different perspective.

The challenge is that this step involves letting go of control and surrendering to the mystery. Of course, this can be a scary proposition because it often feels like a leap into the unknown. To top it off, it’s easy to lose faith and think that if the first plan didn’t work the second one won’t either.

 

But staying stuck means constant suffering. And that is not a joyful way to live life.

Here are some ways to step out of that suffering place and begin to move into a new path:

 

As the holiday season progresses there are bound to be plenty of opportunities to practice choosing between suffering and creating.

 

The two choices – to suffer or to create - can be applied to most of life’s scenarios, from losing an argument to losing a job, from receiving an unexpected gift to having an unexpected visitor.

It all comes down to this: attach to that which you can’t have and suffer. Or create and be open to a new opportunity. See what happens. You never know what incredible, unexpected gift awaits you.

Several years ago when I learned I didn’t get that job as an office manager I was certain I was going to have a major financial crisis on my hands. 

Soon after I let go of my fears, though, I was unexpectedly offered a position as Creative Director for a revolutionary spiritual community. I hadn’t even applied. This position catapulted me several steps deeper into professional design. 

If I’d been offered the office manager job, or if I had allowed my fear to turn into depression, I may never have launched my career as a graphic artist and web designer. I would never be doing what I’m doing today: helping spiritual leaders grow their businesses. In other words, not getting that office manager job is directly related to the work I enjoy doing today.

Ironically, a few weeks after I started my new job as Creative Director, the non profit company called and offered me the office manager position. Their first choice didn’t work out. By then, though, I was firmly rooted in my new creative role. It was far better than anything I could have imagined. 

When things fall apart, what choice are you going to make: to attach to suffering or to create something new?  

 

Here's to creating something new, 

Amy

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